Forcing Progress

I have mentioned that I dealt agoraphobia a while back and that Ingress (the pre-Pokemon Go augmented reality game) has helped me immensely. It helped me find local friends, get out of the house, find a way to break through the fears and isolation. Winter is a little harsh for me emotionally. Between vitamin D issues (yes, I take supplements), the cold – I do hate being cold, snow… ew. It’s harder for me to play as often because walking and using my phone in freezing weather isn’t something I try often.

Since I don’t drive, my fiance will sometimes drive me to some portals provided I want to burden him with my game after a full work week. Sometimes he offers and I still decline… However, I do play while we’re in the car running errands or out for the day, so I burn through my equipment, don’t have many chances to refill it, and still don’t really socialize.

This is my winter. It’s tired, cranky, wrapped in a blanket on the couch. This weekend, I wanted to make plans. I wanted to do something, to see people. My fiance works weekends so I was trying to get people together from the game to, well, get together. Friday night we planned on meeting up at 7pm. I spent the entire day convincing myself I really wanted to do this because – well, it’s not really spring yet and (besides a day with my mom) I hadn’t really gone anywhere without my fiance in months. I started to feel like I was taking steps backward. I didn’t want to go to the point that I started to wonder whether if I was afraid to go.

By six, I finally made myself get dressed, get my things together – purse, phone, etc. I looked through our chat channel after I did all of this and realized we didn’t seem to have enough people. We need eight to come together to make the portals high enough for the gear we wanted. So, we rescheduled. Eight on Saturday. I spent all of yesterday having the same conversations in my head as I did Friday. At one point, one of my friends cancelled and the disappointment of it made me not want to go at all (we’ll talk about disappoint next time, I’m REALLY REALLY bad with it). However, I again got myself together and ready to go in time.

I went out, my friends picked me up (who shall remain nameless until I ask them whose name I can use – I’m still new at this!) – and we met up with the others in the freezing cold. Realizing standing outside for this was not high on ANYONE’s list, we got back into whomever’s cars and got our gear. After we got the gear we wanted, we went to a nearby diner for a bit to eat, chill and discuss life (and, obviously, the game). I am doing way better today than I have been for the past week so far. I needed this. As much as I wanted to back out, I am glad that not only did I push myself, but my friends pushed for me as well.

Sometimes we don’t want to do things we need to do. Even if it’s something fun, we create reasons not to because it’s easier to isolate or to just say no or to go back to bed. I hope you get out there when you can, even when it’s hard. Whether it’s for a game or a doctor’s appointment or a cup of coffee with your mom, push for it. Reaching it could be exactly what you need to get through tomorrow.

~Brutally Honest Eccentric~

One thought on “Forcing Progress”

  1. I know exactly how you feel. I also am like that and I got out yesterday and went to a street party for St Patrick’s day. I met up with friends n ended up having a great time. Even tho inside I was anxious n dying because of the admit of people in the streets. Everyone was bumping into me. I just kept saying to myself JUST BREATHE N ENJOY THE MOMENT…

    Liked by 1 person

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