Addiction isn’t always the end.

But some days, it is.

There are many types of addiction. Substance, gambling, sex, self harm. You can argue for days about who or what to blame, the addict, mental health, society… The reality is it does not matter who you blame. Addiction ruins lives. Addiction kills.

I am writing this because it claimed another life of someone I knew. I found out yesterday. I didn’t know him extremely well but he was loved by many that I love and this compounds my grief as I feel for them.

I am writing this because if you struggle with addiction, I want you to know that I don’t blame you. I will not shame you. We all have our demons and our crosses to bear. I am writing this to say that you deserve help. I want you to know that there are always people to reach out to. If the ones you’ve reached out to so far have not helped enough, reach out to others. Seek help. It is there.

When you are ready to live a different life, it is waiting for you. If you relapse, all is not lost. You will never lose the time you had clean/safe. No one can ever take that away from you.

You are important. You are loved. There are those of us that want you in this world. Please, when you’re ready, reach out. Find your support circle and USE us. That’s what we’re for.

~In Memory of C.M.~

~Brutally Honest Eccentric~

Avoidance

I haven’t been myself lately, so I haven’t been writing… but I think that’s part of exactly when I should be writing. When everything’s a mess but still fine but not. That’s a part of our lives too.

I started my new medication last night. I also think I’m getting sick. I also think my lithium level is off because the medication I just came off and the one I’m going on both affect it. Please don’t worry, I know the toxic symptoms and I’m not, I promise. The reality is that it’s just not effective right now at its current level.

My throat is sore and I spent over an hour with tears falling from my eyes for no discernible reason. My hands, my arms, my legs fall asleep for no reason. I have been so irritable that I have picked fights with friends online, but my loneliness from the depression seeping back in keeps me from avoiding my friends, so more fights.

I whine constantly. I bitch about tiny things that don’t matter and I have no ability to focus. As it stands, I’m smoking a cigarette, drinking tea, binge watching charmed, checking my phone games and writing this… so if it’s a little disjointed, it simply wasn’t written all at once and I keep losing my train of thought.

I didn’t write… because I didn’t want to complain… so I avoided this, but if I don’t tell you about the bad days, what can you possibly understand about me?

~Brutally Honest Eccentric~

Drug cartels are real, and closer…

to home, to friends, to family than most of us ever want to believe.

Yesterday was the third anniversary of the death of Rosario Fuentes. She was also known as Felina, as Miut3 and as the fiance of a dear friend of mine. Rosario was a doctor in a border town in Mexico. She used to report on cartel violence on twitter. She did this to try to help her community. Because of her job, people lived. Because of her heart, she was kidnapped, murdered, her dead body shown on twitter and in news articles and yet never found to bring closure to her family.

Rosario was dedicated to helping women, animals, her community, the families of the disappeared (in the US, we may call them missing, but down there, they are taken and never heard from or seen again and in numbers you cannot imagine). She was an angel to those around her, those less fortunate, those that needed anything she could provide.

Felina reported on cartel violence to help give her community a voice. She was a beacon to many who chose to also report on cartel violence. She knew the risks, but she was not going to let fear silence her. My hope is that some of you will share this and help keep her voice strong. I vowed that, for me, she would never be silent. I hope you will help me carry her voice, her message and her love.

Drug cartel violence is real. They kidnap innocent people. They murder. The face you see is just one of many that has paid the price for the street drugs that you or people you know may be using. Just because we may not be IN Reynosa, it does not mean that Reynosa is not affected by our actions. Even now, the town is basically under siege. Gunfire, helicopters… Cartel violence is sky rocketed and people are afraid to walk out their front door. That is TODAY’S situation.

Help fight the cartels. Every voice counts. Showing others that this is real, letting people in recovery have another look at the lives they can save by staying clean… This is a message worth spreading.

In Loving Memory of Rosario Felina Miut3 Fuentes.

May her voice carry through and give hope.

 

~Brutally Honest Eccentric~